Friday, December 4, 2009

Dead horses

3 follicles today. 1x14mm (that's the good one), 1x10mm and 1x<10mm.

He wants to do the pick up mid next week and he says to only expect 1 egg. I am completely devastated at this news and I don't understand why my body is letting me down so badly - things have just gotten worse and worse each time I cycle.

After this cycle I think we will be giving up - there's no point flogging a dead horse.

Dr Mac also said that DHEA was useless, L-arginine disproven, growth hormone too dangerous and that all the alternative therapies are flapping around the edges trying to influence that which cannot really be influenced - the antral follicle count. He did say that he'd do an oestrogen priming protocol if I wished it, but that he doesn't think that it's going to do much good. That the clinics in the US using this protocol are relying on case studies and small patient numbers and that only a large scale study would really demonstrate efficacy.

Blah. I feel like shit. And I think I'm supposed to be trying to be hopeful still. But like I said the the Big Guy, I don't know how to be hopeful any more.

7 comments:

  1. Damn, damn. Blegh is right. I'm sorry this is a crappy time. ((Hugs))...this sucks.

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  2. Your ovaries suck. Big time.

    I don't even know how to respond to this. Can you do a ovary-slap-up dance?

    That protocol that your doc is referring to, can he still not take you in on that?

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  3. Last week I was working my job as Santa photographer (yeah, good one hey!) when I had my hardest moment to date. A little boy, cute as could be, rather suave, well dressed, hair done, sweet, well behaved and polite, came up to Santa. His mum was 'older', his grandmother was there too. So very proud. He's special she told me. He's IVF. Suddenly I was blurting out my story to this mum and she gave me one sentence as advice that I will be trying to remember.

    "Don't give up"

    She was 42 when they started IVF after 3 years of ttc with unexplained infertility. The had 11 tries at it. In that time she had a miscarriage or two, and lost a baby at 28 weeks. Her beautiful little boy that I was so drawn to right from the moment I saw him was born just 6 weeks after my son, Ciaran was born and died unexpectedly.

    I know it's easier said than done, but if you can, don't give up.
    As far as there 'only' being one egg - remember it only takes one. I hope that this is the one for you.

    I don't know much about DHEA but I do know a couple of girls trying it out right now and have heard positive stuff about it. Is your doc saying it's useless or useless for you? If you would like to touch base with these others then email me and I'll link you in!

    Try the oestrogen priming protocol that's being offered. Your doc is sounding negative on so many levels. Sure, it might never happen for you. But guess what.... It actually might!! Fair enough that he's trying to not get your hopes up, but I think you're a 'big enough girl' to know all about hope and what a heartbreaker it is. But negativity you do not need. Try everything, friend, and if it doesn't work... try it again!!

    I hope you don't give up and I wish I could give you more strength, and even more so some promises xxx

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  4. I like bir. bir is wise.

    My husband and I were actually in tears last night over how hard this is -- we're about to order meds for my Useless Cycle #3 and my ovaries are as stupid as yours. But you know what? Both you and I have made embryos. Nice ones. That got transferred. And somewhere in there is an egg that can do it again, and let it stick. Now is the time for that gambling addiction to kick in. I think (for me at least) giving up is sadder than soldiering on (for now at least). Would you/can you consider a donor egg option as a "backup plan" down the road? Or adoption? I know full well that these are not the frontrunner options by any means, but they are avenues to having a baby if our bodies just won't cooperate. As I told my husband last night, I don't even care how we get there anymore as long as we arrive.

    See this one through...don't let the doctor's attitude or the repeat news get you down. I wish I could reach through the interwebs and give you a giant hug.

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  5. I agree with JB. You have created an embryo before and I just know there is one in there capable of getting in there and sticking. I am sending you tons of hugs.

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  6. No matter what happens
    what you choose or what you cannot choose
    I wish you ALL the best this cycle, no matter what.
    I started with very low antral follicle counts and they have gone up. I'm on DHEA, the cheap stuff not the heavy hitting stuff, and who knows?
    I'd be curious about a different protocol, and you can also wait until you have a cycle with more-- just do a baseline each month until you feel you have more to work with.
    Unless you are done, in which case, I will cry with you because being done is so hard.
    but I will also celebrate with you for doing what it is that is right for you.

    thinking of you and wishing your outcome is a wonderful surprise.
    xo
    kate

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  7. I've found that I get better numbers of follicles with Gonal F than with Follistim. Like Kate, I've also wound up with more follicles than my antral count suggested.
    Your RE sounds a bit pessimistic about anything "edgy". Do whatever feels right to YOU. Ya know?

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"Scout yonder's been readin' ever since she was born." I wasn't quite so precocious but I do love reading comments!