Thursday, April 28, 2011



People and animals who are already pregnant can get pregnant again. Yet I can't at all.

The Big Guy has two step-sisters - they've both had babies while we've been trying. He has two cousins - one had her second baby just before we started trying (while I was still convincing tBG), the second had her baby this morning.

Why couldn't I have married a man whose female relatives were done babying?

I gave the new baby the socks that were for our baby, the rattle-booties that were for our baby and the organic baby stuff pack that was for our baby.

I'm slowly giving it all away now and that hurts.

Smelling that sweet, sweaty newborn smell (she was only 10 hours old when we visited her tonight) was delicious, holding her was glorious, giving her back to her Mama was wrenching. I want so much (and I use the present tense with ooomph) to have a baby and that desire is not leaving me. Not fading, not diminishing, not abating, not going. 

Something that tells me there is no intelligent designer. Today was my first placement.  The 12 year old child I am to assess has a drug-addled, brain-damaged, alcoholic mother. That poor lady has a 12 year old, an 8 year old, a 4 year old and last year she had a new baby who was removed from her care immediately. 

Yet I can't get pregnant. 

Flying Spaghetti Monster?

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Hoppy Easter Peeps!

Because we're in the future it's all drawing to a close for us, we're chocolate-d out and have had a lovely day.

I hope you all have a safe and eggsellent Easter and that the Bunny is kind to you!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Like a ratty old jumper

I've shrugged studying back over my head again. Assignments, group work, countless readings that I'm not doing enough of.  It's all so familiar and well-worn. I know how to do this. I am doing it.  Quelle horreur.

I've not much to say this week.

1. My Little Guy is off with his Dad for 9 sleeps having the first half of the Easter hols 2 hours away from me. I miss his squirmy little body and his silly little voice and his little rat-fingers trying to tickle me.

2. The Big Guy's kids are off with their Mum on the normal week-on-week-off schedule. Thus we are kidless and it's sucky. And nice, but only for a little while.

4. The chickehs are doing well.  I am trying to train them to leap for food, which works sometimes but only if they can see the food.  Then they flutter and leap to get it. Dry cat food = nomnomnom. Perhaps I will open a  chicken circus one day. No doubt I will have to teach them other tricks besides chasing me and leaping. I will ponder it further.

5. I signed my fellowship contract today and I feel like a fraud because I'm nowhere near as Fellow-y as the other Fellows, but c'est la vie.  I am still deciding whether to change my position title on our website (I'm the webmaster) because of my fraud-y-feeling.

6. I got a Very Good Mark for my first assignment but I'm pissed off because the marks came from the peer ratings and our lecturer had told us that those ratings didn't count for anything and as it turned out they counted completely and I'd been soooooooo (SO) kind to the other students while they killed me with Death-By-Powerpoint. Now my choices in this matter are thus:
       a) keep marking everyone stupidly high (47 out of 50),
       b) mark everyone else a average grade only (30 out of 50) unless they blow my mind,
       d) write "I refuse to participate because it's so patently invalid to have me marking my peers".
What would you do?

And here's a picture for your eyes.

The traditional Venice shot. Ahhhh, holidays, they go so fast.

Friday, April 8, 2011

For your viewing pleasure

I'm particularly fond of these six.

#2 - who did they kill and why are they all so happy?
#8 - the best kind of stalkers
#10 - no words for this
#22 - why?why?why?
#28 - she's so adoring
#46 - olde-time-math-nerds

Tell me which are your faves and why :)