Thursday, May 31, 2012

40 for fuck's sake


I'm 40 now.

I turned officially old and my internal teenager is completely horrified.

I had an awesome party with as many people who like or love me as could attend and said "Goodbye 39" in fine style.

I've thought about this post for a while and I still don't know what to say. It really sucked to be turning 40.

When I remove my infertility-smog-coloured glasses and look back at the past years I can see that lots of wonderful things happened, but with them on it's all tinted gray ... and the lustre, the shine of the awesome is dulled. I think I would be so much more grateful for my what-really-were-fantastic-30s had I not spent so much time and emotion chasing a futile dream.

C'est la vie.

I hope you are all well. I stalk around on the outskirts of your blogs occasionally, but mostly I'm completely swamped by life and my multiple roles. I'm loving placement and finding that providing intervention for little kids with ASD is incredibly rewarding. I'm winding up at work with a huge global survey that's killing me, but once it's collected I'm done there. And I'm slowly reading and getting my head around my PhD topic, which is also huge and doing my head in. My family are well; my darling Little Guy is no longer a baby, showing his abilities and his love in new ways every day. My step-children are growing up quickly into lovely young adults who delight me. Life moves so quickly. My Big Guy is, as always, completely wonderful and wonderfully devoted, a blessing in no disguise.