Random Pundy and late Lovely Blog Awarding

Today I was eating an okonomiyaki which looks very unhealthy but is actually just a vegetable pancake. I was sitting in the food court of our local humongousaur shopping centre and listening to MC Solaar. Whenever I listen to my ipod when I'm out in a crowd, I feel as though I'm in a movie and the music I'm listening to is the soundtrack.



I'd been to Medicare to get the refund for our stupid last dumbfuck failure of a cycle (thanks Australian government for subsidising that cost -> $900 instead of $4900). Medicare pissed me off some but I was ok with the cost, my tax refund will pay for all our IVFs thank goodness. My boobs have been hurting since the egg pickup and if I actually had any chance of being pregnant I would totally be psyched up because of these mo-fo sore nipples, so that had been pissing me off too. And I'm pretty sure today is 2 days before my period will arrive cause I feel like emotional-shite.

So, MC Solaar had his cool French groove going while I ate and people-watched. So many people, doing their thing. Feeding themselves, chatting with friends, texting with mobile phones, staring into nothing.


And then my eyes got sucked to one bright blue spot at 1 o'clock. This one woman, in her thirties with a 6 year old son and a new, new baby in a bright blue onesie. Sitting down cradling him, talking to her older child, propping baby up to look around the busy room.

I stared at that baby and that woman. And thought. And teared up. Then I put down my fork and scurried away. Head down, bustling and busy and indistinguishable from the rest of them. I stifled the sobs and I left.



I have been looking at these and contemplating which acupunturist I shall visit.


Making Babies: 3 Month Program Fertility

Apparently I'm a Dry type

http://yinovacenter.com/blog/archives/523

Here's the link to the page of Acupuncture related research

I am going to make this last shot count goddammit. Even if it takes suspending my sceptical side and poking my body with more needles. The Big Guy doesn't want to do any more IVFs after this last one. The Australian goverment have decided to change the way we get money back from Medicare (public health system) and as such any further IVFs after Jan 01 2010 would be more self-funded than at present.


I booked an appointment with another specialist for a second opinion about the next protocol to try. The docs at my clinic are all over the shop with ideas and I do not have a primary care physician. I am doing IVF through the public system and as such I belong to the clinic and I see whichever resident/consultant is available when I'm there. This is frustrating me. As is the cookie cutter approach to protocols to try irrespective of my poor response.

I read about this agonist/antagonist conversion protocol with E2V the other day and I want to try that. I'll see if second-opinion-Super-Prof agrees with it as a good try and if so I'll endeavour to convince my clinic to let me do it.


I've had a lot of nightmares lately. Zombies eating my face and zombie-fying me and those I love; driving off the top of a skyscraper, falling and knowing I was about to die (woke as I crashed into the next building); that my mother had killed herself (just like my father) and I was screaming-crying in my sleep and woke with a closed throat and a heavy heavy heart.


I want a baby.

I did get a lovely blog award a while back from the delightfully sweet Kate at I Can't Whistle and I wasn't sure what to do with it but now I am. Here's my five nominees, some well-known, others not so. I appreciate you all.

Wise Guy at Woman Anyone?
JB at Of Cabbage and Kings
Token at CD1
Monica at Knocked Up, Knocked Down
Eden at Edenland