Friday, November 6, 2009

Clomid + FSH = the blues

I finished the clomid today - I got pimples and am majorly off emotionally. I so hate the emotional side-effects. On the upside I keep reminding myself that maybe if I'm emotionally awry then the drugs are working. Hope so.

I want my life back. I want to stop studying and stressing and being infertile. I want it all to end. I feel like it's never going to happen. I'm in stim #3 and have only had one failed transfer and nary a frostie to be seen. Fuckdamn. And then I read the stupid 'average' it takes to get a BFP ... 3 stims and associated FETs = 7 or 8 transfers. Yeah right. That's not going to happen here.

I wonder if I'll feel better over the next few days as the clomid wears off. I hope so because this empty awfulness is hateful. For me and for everyone around me. And I'm scared of Monday's scan. This cycle is a powerful one and I'm scared that I still won't respond any better. That I'll only have a few follicles again and only 2 (or less) eggs and then no baby again.

I was reading a research article that was talking about the amount of stims it takes people to give up doing IVF. They gave people FREE treatment and watched what happened. What they found was that after 3 failed stim cycles, most people gave up. Just because it's too fucking awful doing this over and over again.

These drugs are a mindfuck. The roller-coaster is a mindfuck. The desperate desire is a mindfuck.

*insert scream here*


  1. *Scream Inserted*

    Maybe that is why I am in awe of and sad for those who have done this round for 5 to 6 times....that is patience.

    Good Luck to you...and chocolates.

  2. Oh yeah.
    Clomid made me feel the worst of anything- I am so sorry.
    tell you what, I will scream on your behalf but then I will cheer you on, I will hope for you that this just works, so on those days that you just can't, you're covered.

    be gentle with your fine self Pundelina. follicles are being recruited and are growing, your ultrasound, with luck, will give you reassurance that things are moving in the direction they need to.

    And folks giving up after 3 even if they're free? Oh I get that too. This ride sucks.

    warm wishes to you,

  3. Clomid is a monster. From an emotional perspective, the full-on smorgasboard of 12-day IVF stims were better than 1 week of popping Clomid pills. I wanted to rip off my shirt and rage like the Hulk. And I had hot flashes and crying spells. This was when I still worked in management with a glassed-in office in a high-traffic area of the building and had to make business trips WHILE CYCLING on Clomid. Not a recipe for awesome. I went home early a lot.

    But you, my dear....are a trooper. Stay tough; you are past the worst of the drugs, methinks. On to bigger better things, like follicles!

  4. Clomid is nasty stuff. Right up there with lupron. Understandable that you feel the way you do.

  5. Oh sweetheart. I've heard about the evils of clomid ... I hope you get "you" back again soon.

    And I hope you manage to get a decent weekend in this weekend, before your big scan on Monday.


    It must be so so so hard.

    Love to you. So much.


  6. Clomid always made me extremely emotional...M. and I called it, "Clo-MOOD".

    I've got everything crossed for a GREAT scan tomorrow.



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