Thursday, May 19, 2011

Faaaark

I really thought I was pregnant last week.

My period was late and I was hopeful and I planned the post I would write here and the people I would tell and I even looked up a due date.

And then I tested. I haven't done that in oh-so-long. So very very long. And it was so awfully devastating to see the shadow of a second line that never turned into a proper second line.

I cried and cried and cried. And then I was madmadmad like nothing else and I screamed at the walls (I was alone at home). And then my period arrived the next day (CD30, I was due on CD27).

I'm just so fucking pissed off. It's GIGANTICALLY unfair. And I'm so dumb for being so hopeful.

How do I get over this? It's 11 months since our last failed IVF cycle now and I'm wishing we could try assisted conception again. I wish it would be of some use to try again. I wish ...




In other news I'm busy like a very busy hive of bees and I'm really glad that I'm not a poor alcohol and drug-addicted lady who's stunted her child's cognitive development (placement anyone?).



Glad you liked the chickens.

13 comments:

  1. Ughghhghgh! I am so sorry!! I hate when AF plays jokes on us! Keep your chin up! (((HUGS)))

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  2. So ridiculously unfair. You know how many times I've had to refrain from testing every.single.month? Pretty much every.single.month. Like this morning, my boobays feel sore but I also know that I'm about a week away from AF. But maybe I'm pregnant? Maybe? Maybe?! I know I'm not but I never lose hope that a small miracle might happen. It's just when you get kicked in the teeth by Hope that sucks. I really hate her sometimes. Sending you lots of love.

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  3. I'm so sorry, Pundelina. Hope is a fucking skanky whore, more skanky and more whorey than AF, and that says a lot.

    Sending a warm hug...

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  4. I'm sorry that truly sucks!

    I hope you have an ok birthday on Sunday. Thinking of you.

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  5. :( I wanted to read that post too.

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  6. I am sorry, that really sucks. I know my friend who suffered infertility issues said once that she wanted her period to come on time or not at all, as to be late but then arrive was hopelessly unfair. Too true. Hugs to you and happy birthday for Sunday xxx

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  7. That's a rotten trick to play on you, the bitch can't toy with your mind like that. I like the come on time or not at all sentiment, as any variation from that path always invites creative thinking.

    I am so ready to jump into chickens, your trained pets are quite an inspiration! I look forward to the next installment.

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  8. Oh that is so unfair. I am so sorry that happened to you. Happy birthday for Sunday. I will be thinking of you.

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  9. Yes, farcking unfair. :( :( :(

    Just wanted to let you know that I'm still around, and still barracking for you... x

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  10. Oh, how heartbreaking and cruel. I'm so sorry. But of course you know there's nothing dumb about being hopeful. I just so so so wish you'd gotten to write that post for reals...

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  11. Damn, I'm sorry. Of course you were hopeful. And of course it's not as easy as drawing a line through trying actively and actively not trying. I also wish you'd gotten to write the other post. It would have made my day.

    (I still hope you'll get to write it).

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  12. Sorry, hon. For what it's worth I thought I was pg last month too - I was later than the previous 2 cycles and I was getting a slight crampy feeling like when I was pregnant. Think it was just this cyst or fibroid or whatever. Sometimes our bodies are cruel

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  13. Oh god I completely hate that, 'wondering if you're pregnant' thing

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