IF A-Z

A. Age when you started TTC: 35

B. Baby Dancing or Se.x: Horizontal Mambo

C. Children wanted: I wanted 4. And when I was 13 I wanted two sets of twins!

D. Dogs/Cats/Fill in Children: 2 cats, 3 chickens, 5 fish.

E. Essential Oils/Vitamins/Snake Oils: prenatal vitamins, false unicorn root, CoQ10, Evening Primrose Oil.

F. Fertility Meds I’ve taken: clomid, Gonal-F, ovidrel, Synarel, Lucrin

G. Gain: 5 kgs

H. HSG (Hystosalpingogram): All clear

I. Infertile Pet Peeves: People assuming that I'm over it now.

J. Job title: Research Fellow

K. Kid’s names you’re afraid will be taken by the time you can use them: Not telling ;p

L. Length of time TTC:




M. Miscarriages: 1 chemical

N. Number of times you’ve switched OB/GYNS, REs, FSs: 0 - but I did get a second opinion

O. Ovarian quality: terrible

P. POAS or wait for AF: For the first couple of years, POAS.  Now, mostly wait.

Q. Quote from an obnoxious fertile: After she heard we'd been trying for over 3 years she said (gesturing to her 8 month pregnant belly) "This one was a complete accident - we were done!"

S. Sperm: fine (or maybe ... yes please)

T. Time you tried naturally: 15 months or so

U. Uterus quality: great

V. Vagina: lovely

W. What baby stuff do you already have?: Lots of old stuff from my Little Guy.

X. X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey? Everyone I know. Yes, pretty much everyone. Sometimes cause they asked, sometimes cause it was on my mind, sometimes in relation to something else.

Y. Yearly Exam (do you still go in even though someone sees your lady parts most months?): Yearly, just got the all-clear for this year.

Z. Zits: small and infrequent.

So now you’ve read mine. What are your IF A to Zs?

39

And feeling it.

Thank you for your surprise birthday wishes on my last post - t'was very unexpected.

I'd been doing my best to ignore it. But it happened to me anyway and here I am, living the final year of my thirties and bleeding after nookie on CD12. Hello peri-menopause how I hate thee.

Woe is me. If I wasn't feeling so woeful 'd tell you about the lovely birthday dinner I had with friends (I did, it was) or how sometime yesterday I thought to myself how much worse it could all be (like my entire 20s) or how the song I sang to the Little Guy (my best beloved) at bedtime last night (10:30pm after our dinner out) was "Happy Birthday to me" and at the end he hooray-ed and piped up with his new catchphrase "cha-cha-cha!"

I'd tell you about how gorgeous my husband is, how he tries so hard with all his loving of me and he wins. His whole self is For The Win. He left me notes scattered around the house yesterday, detailing his love and all the reasons why. He loves me so well. And just now as I cried softly on his shoulder, bleeding and definitely not post-org.as.mic, he cradled me and was gentle with my silly old self.

Faaaark

I really thought I was pregnant last week.

My period was late and I was hopeful and I planned the post I would write here and the people I would tell and I even looked up a due date.

And then I tested. I haven't done that in oh-so-long. So very very long. And it was so awfully devastating to see the shadow of a second line that never turned into a proper second line.

I cried and cried and cried. And then I was madmadmad like nothing else and I screamed at the walls (I was alone at home). And then my period arrived the next day (CD30, I was due on CD27).

I'm just so fucking pissed off. It's GIGANTICALLY unfair. And I'm so dumb for being so hopeful.

How do I get over this? It's 11 months since our last failed IVF cycle now and I'm wishing we could try assisted conception again. I wish it would be of some use to try again. I wish ...




In other news I'm busy like a very busy hive of bees and I'm really glad that I'm not a poor alcohol and drug-addicted lady who's stunted her child's cognitive development (placement anyone?).

Glad you liked the chickens.

Circus chickeh

I have the beginnings of an excellent circus here :)

I made awesome rainbow cake

I did it! You may remember that I said I would and this weekend I did! And it was awesome. So awesome I can't hardly believe I managed it.

Don't you just love these batter bowls? I do!

I used a ton of icing in this, so much that the kids were mostly defeated by their slices.

Our gorgeous girl turned 11 - how can that be possible?

The slice emerged to the sounds of excitement and appreciation - and the kids liked it too ;)

Why are there so many songs about rainbows? Because they're AWESOME!

Thank you to Whisk Kid and her inspirational post. The cake was a hit with everyone and I was pronounced an awesome cake-maker and an awesome Step-Mother. Booyah!