Siete tutti così gentili

Yes you are.

I've been needing inspiration and confidence and support with this crazy Ph.D idea. And I got some from you guys - thanks so much.

So, yes, I'm applying. The app has to be in by the end of the week and I'm almost finished writing it. I've been reading articles and talking to peeps and getting excellent references done for me. I'll get accepted for the Ph.D program no problems, but what I need to be able to do it is the scholarship. Which is not a big amount in itself ... but ... the reason I'm even applying is because this guy came to work the other day and asked us (me) to run a big online survey for him. The he mentioned that he was thinking of supplementing a Ph.D scholarship to make it more attractive to a Ph.D student - his top-up would make the Ph.D worth $40,000 a year to do. He offered it to me and I scoffed and refused it immediately.

However, I went home and realised that maybe I can do a Masters/PhD combo for $160,000 over 4 years.  That actually sounds like a pretty good deal!  I have to do another two years study minimum (Masters) to get registered and practice as a psych. And all I was going to do was wait til I'd recovered from the horrors of the honours thesis I just handed in in March. But would I ever really be ready? Nope. I don't think so. Who the hell wants to write a fucking thesis anyway.  Be it 16,000 words (Mas.ters) or 80,000 (Mas.ters/Ph.D combo) (that's $2/word!).

So. I never managed to have a baby but I'm going to see if I can be a sooper-dooper academic and birth a book instead.

On the craptacular side of life, my Mum has just been diagnosed with a CIN III cervical dysplasia.  The awfullest kind to find on your annual pap smear. She didn't even go for an annual smear though. She's been spotting and having discharge and pain in her uterus and lower back for a couple of months and that's what prompted her to go get checked out. As you might recall, faithful readers, my Mum was done and dusted with periods when she was 41 - which was 18 years ago.  So bleeding and period pains are terribly fucking weird things for her to be getting.

Even worse for her, she was raped about 30 years ago and she has serious issues with pap smears and pretty much any and all vaginal exams. So of all the places in her body to have a problem that requires invasive treatment, this is the worst. She'd prefer brain cancer to this.

As far as I'm concerned, prayers are just kind thoughts, so go on and think kind thoughts for my Mama. I love her and I don't want her to have cancer or for me to be an orphan. She's my only family. Here's a quicky-piccie of her so you can concentrate on it and send healing-hippy-vibes her way please.