Wednesday, April 7, 2010


I got ill on March 23rd. But my deadline wasn't til the 31st and I still had work to do, so I didn't stop and rest like I should have.

I got bronchitis on March 27th. But still with the needing to work...not enough rest. Then on about the 2nd it seemed like the bronchitis was clearing up, but I started getting sinus-y and last night I awoke at 4am with a throat like razor blades and a hot hot body. Not good hot. Bad hot.

So today, I'm completely brochitis-y again, every muscle and joint in my body is killing me and I'm coughing up phlegm like a 90 year old smoker. I swear a truck hit me.

And so we went to two doctors today. One gave me steroids for the wheeze and antibiotics for the lungs and the other gave me hope.

He said a few things and, as is my wont, here's the list.

1) DHEA is of no proven benefit but it can't hurt.

2) Growth Hormone is promising, but only one clinic in Adelaide is doing the clinical trial and we're both not there and not in it.

3) My egg numbers suck and he would never expect to get even 5 or 6 out of me, but the ones I have make embryos so all is not lost.

4) He didn't recommend quitting, said he'd be happy to go ahead with us.

He's so great, I have waaaaaay more confidence in him than in the docs at our last clinic, even though he says they're just as good. So we'll give IVF another chance to fuck with us and maybe delight us. Probably mid-May, the way my cycles are going.

He wrote me a path request for hormone checks at day 2/3 of my next cycle (which should be Thursday week) and he wrote a request for TBG to have another SA done. I want that done so I can let go of the hope, every damn month, that maybe we've hit the jackpot naturally.

I'm so scared heading towards this new cycle now. I half-thought that he would just say give up, but my age is apparently in my favour even if my AMH & Inhibin-B aren't.

But so scared. Early January, after the Christmas Fiasco BFN, I was severely depressed and hurting so badly after my six months of IVF Horror. I had to put that away and finish that stupid Honours project. Now that's done and I'm terrified to be letting myself in for that world of pain again.

Please Universe, please let it work this time.


  1. Ack Pundelina...I hope you feel better soon.

    Atleast the thesis is done, so you can give undivided attention to the 'cycling'. I am glad that your new doctor is so nice.

    And yes, the few eggs you have do make it to the embryo, so there is hope and please do cling to that.

    Good Luck for the May cycle.

    *Whistling tunes of cheer and hope* for you. All the very best!

  2. Yes, I fervently hope it works this next time-- how much more can one person take???

    I'm also sorry you're sick, but sometimes sick is a good excuse to lie around if you're depressed anyways ...

    p.s. The mint pasta with lamb ragu was really good, but the mint flavor didn't come through in the pasta like I hoped it would. I'd double or triple the amount. Or, ideally, use a stronger mint variety.


    Seriously, though, I struggle desperately to accomplish anything under the relatively mild burden of my IF situation, so the fact that you were able to put your grief aside and work is extremely impressive to me. I'm so glad your doctor is recommending that you push ahead-- even if the emotional cost is so high, it's got to be better than giving up. Anyway, I'll be here desperately hoping this is your time.

  4. Ugh, being sick just stinks. Get some rest and take care of yourself. Have courage and know that you're not alone on this next cycle! It looks like we are practically on the same schedule. :)
    Yes, it's scary...for sure. But you know this path, you have walked it before. Let that give you strength.

  5. So sorry that you are sick – sounds like it really hit you and hopefully the steroids and antibiotics have kicked in. The second appointment sounds like it went wonderfully, and like you are in very good hands. He sounds sensible, as if he’s not merely looking at charts and numbers but at YOU (i.e, his observations about your age and your making embryos).

    Wading in again is so hard. But I think it’s bad to let the grass grow too long under your feet, and it sounds like you have found a very good match in this doc. Mid-May. Wow! One part of me thinks it’s good to be “mindful” and “present” about the whole process. Another – growing – part thinks that the best approach is to just press the gas all the way to the floor while closing eyes tightly. I’m thinking such good thoughts.

  6. Thanks for stopping by my blog, and I hope you feel better soon. I haven't had bronchitis in ages, but it is horrible.

    I hope things go your way on this next IVF cycle - you can do it!!! And I'm glad you found a doctor that gave you hope. I think it works better than antibiotics. ;)


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