I got ill on March 23rd. But my deadline wasn't til the 31st and I still had work to do, so I didn't stop and rest like I should have.
I got bronchitis on March 27th. But still with the needing to work...not enough rest. Then on about the 2nd it seemed like the bronchitis was clearing up, but I started getting sinus-y and last night I awoke at 4am with a throat like razor blades and a hot hot body. Not good hot. Bad hot.
So today, I'm completely brochitis-y again, every muscle and joint in my body is killing me and I'm coughing up phlegm like a 90 year old smoker. I swear a truck hit me.
And so we went to two doctors today. One gave me steroids for the wheeze and antibiotics for the lungs and the other gave me hope.
He said a few things and, as is my wont, here's the list.
1) DHEA is of no proven benefit but it can't hurt.
2) Growth Hormone is promising, but only one clinic in Adelaide is doing the clinical trial and we're both not there and not in it.
3) My egg numbers suck and he would never expect to get even 5 or 6 out of me, but the ones I have make embryos so all is not lost.
4) He didn't recommend quitting, said he'd be happy to go ahead with us.
He's so great, I have waaaaaay more confidence in him than in the docs at our last clinic, even though he says they're just as good. So we'll give IVF another chance to fuck with us and maybe delight us. Probably mid-May, the way my cycles are going.
He wrote me a path request for hormone checks at day 2/3 of my next cycle (which should be Thursday week) and he wrote a request for TBG to have another SA done. I want that done so I can let go of the hope, every damn month, that maybe we've hit the jackpot naturally.
I'm so scared heading towards this new cycle now. I half-thought that he would just say give up, but my age is apparently in my favour even if my AMH & Inhibin-B aren't.
But so scared. Early January, after the Christmas Fiasco BFN, I was severely depressed and hurting so badly after my six months of IVF Horror. I had to put that away and finish that stupid Honours project. Now that's done and I'm terrified to be letting myself in for that world of pain again.
Please Universe, please let it work this time.
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