Gimme an 'I', gimme a 'V', gimme an 'F' - hang on, I don't want that.

Follow-up appointment with the Lovely Dr L. today.

This time I took my long list of questions so I could get answers to fertility bugbears that have been bugging me.

How often should we do the deed? Every 2nd day is enough.

I have little EWCM - does this matter and can I take something to make more (like Evening Primrose Oil)? It matters a little but is not a big deal and there's nothing proven to help make more.

Should we have a 3rd SA done for the Big Guy to get an average? No, no point doing that because there's no treatment for abnormal morphology so it doesn't matter about confirming the diagnosis.

Will Menevit and slow-release Vitamin C actually help improve the morphology? No. There's lots of anecdotal evidence but there's no scientific proof that vitamin treatment significantly improves morphology.

Can/should either of us drink at all? Sure, in moderation and not if pregnant.

Can/should either of us drink coffee at all? Sure, in moderation and not if pregnant.

Should I have an ovarian reserve blood test? No point, there's no treatment to improve eggs.

Can one get a positive OPK but not ovulate? Yes.

Does mittelschmerz mean I am actually ovulating? Yes.

Is it a sign of cruddy follicles and bad eggs? No.

Is my oestrogen low? No.

Does he think I am ovulating? Yes.

I have lighter periods since the birth of the Little Guy, is this an issue? No, doesn't matter and the endometrial sample he took during the lap showed an appropriate endometrium.

What's our chance of getting pregnant naturally? Well, at the beginning of all this when I was 35 our chance per month was 10% each cycle. Now that we've failed to get pregnant in 14 cycles and I'm 3 months off 37, our chance is significantly lower than that.

What's the Lovely Dr L.'s diagnosis ... idiopathic subfertility and his recommendation is to go straight to IVF. But I don't wanna! He said that it's subfertility, not infertility and probably if we keep trying we'll eventually get pregnant. So we're going with that.

And can I just say here, fuck this trying to conceive business. I hate it, it sucks and I was right - it is a nightmare and its one the has unfortunately come true for me.

Grrrrr.

He said that the turkey baster optin (IUI) would not give us much extra help so to head straight for IVF. And if we were going to, then I wouldn't bother with IUI, I would go straight to IVF.

I feel like crap about it. Part 1 of me wants to leap onto the IVF bandwagon immediately and start start start. Part 2 wants to bury my head in the sand and forget it all. Part 3 wants to keep TTC naturally. Part 1 keeps saying that Part 2 and 3 are stupid. Part 4 wants to wind back time and try to convince DH to have a baby with me earlier. I'm a mixed up muddle of a Sybil-ly-self really.

I always said we wouldn't go the IVF route because we had kids already, but now that the Lovely Dr L says it's the best route to take I am wavering.

The Big Guy analogises that we were in a bingo hall (low cost, low risk TTC) and that now we're thinking of heading off to the casino with a large sum of money and some 30-70 odds. We need to think.

We got an information pack about IVF, we get to pay $125 and attend an information session to learn all about it and decide if we want to go ahead. I'm going to spend that at the periodontist instead because my gums are screwed up too (thanks Granny for giving me your genetically poor gums).

More grrrr.