Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Her birthday

Today was one of my mother-in-laws' birthday. I have had the pleasure of three mother-in-laws, all of whom I love. My ex has a lovely mother with whom we happily lived for a while. Then there's the Big Guy's mothers. His Mum, who is a kind mother-in-law and his second mother (step-mama), a most excellent mother-in-law.

Today should have been her birthday, she should have turned 64. Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm 64. Instead we've spent the last three days planning her funeral.

On Sunday morning we got the phone-call. As everyone knows, calls at 7:30am on Sundays are always bad news. And it was. We got to the hospital by 8:30am and then we waited. And waited. And prayed. And soothed. And loved. And finally at 5pm, I kissed her warm forehead and asked her not to be dead.


I don't talk much about our step-families. That's plural because tBG's parents divorced when he was a teen and they both remarried.  Each of tBG's step-parents had teen children of their own and both tBG's Mum and Dad managed to extend their families and open their hearts to their step-children and blend quite beautifully. So when tBG and I got together, there was no question of us not blending happily and well, of course we would and so we have. All family occasions are big blended affairs and everyone gets along so well - even the Xs (mostly).

My MIL was an open-hearted woman, a wise and kind woman, a generous and practical woman. She was down-to-earth and funny and always up for a drink or a laugh. She cared adoringly for tBGs father when he died slowly of motor neurone disease in 2007 and she'd not healed from that loss yet (none of us have). There were 16 people in the hospital loving her when she died, all of us torn and devastated and disbelieving. How can she be dead? Why does death come unexpectedly? Why the fuck does it have to happen at all? Funeral is on Friday. The Great Big Extended Family Christmas is happening at our house in 3 weeks and there will be a huge hole where she should be.


  1. I am so sorry, Pundelina. She was so young and sounds like an incredible person to have had in your life. To have so many people around her when she died shows how loved she really was and how very much she will be missed. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss :(

  3. the crazy cat womanDecember 1, 2010 at 6:12 PM

    I'm so sorry. :-(


  4. I am so sorry for your loss, thinking of you and your family...

  5. I am sorry to hear that. Hang in there, I'm thinking of you.

  6. Here from LFCA. I am sorry for your loss. Your MIL sounds like a wonderful woman.

  7. I'm so sorry. Your post made me cry. Your MIL sounds like such an extraordinary woman. And so, to be honest, does the entire family. To blend so beautifully and so lovingly is, for lack of a better word, breathtaking.

    Losses are especially tough before the holidays. It's painful to think about the person who won't be there, the seat at the dinner table that will be empty. Hugs to you.

  8. Such an untimely loss. Sending my love to you and your beautiful family.

  9. I'm so sorry to read this. Losing someone you love is the worst thing in the world. I'm sending lots of love your way and hope the happy memories of your MIL will get you through this terrible time. So sorry. ♥

  10. It is an amazing weave of a family you have there. And that everyone gets along so well is appreciable.

    I am sorry that this incredible woman is no longer with you. I wish her eternal peace.

    Take Care, Pundelina!


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