My kraken sleepeth

Heeeellllloooooooo bloggie-friends!

First - I am devastated and blown away and completely thrown by poor Wiseguy's awful turn of events.

Fly free little Lola you are so very loved and missed by so many people.

I am return-ned from holidays more myself than I have been for the past god-knows-how-long and ready to rumble, OK, not rumble, but I'm feeling so very good at the moment. I guess that's what 5 weeks of holidays, lots of beautiful sight-seeing, then surfing, sun and relaxing will do for a girl.

About this time 3 years ago I threw out the birth control pills and we started TTCing.  Can I just say (as you all know) that this has been one of the most awful trying painful things I have ever voluntarily done to myself. 3 years of grief, failure and pain.

Now, as I start 2011 (and soon a Masters degree - eeeeeeek!), I have almost completely given up hope.  A tiny, itty, witty, incy bit still remains, but I am starting to sort through all the things I've held onto (for when we had the bay-bee) and maybe, just maybe, to move on with life. I don't cry when I get my period anymore and I don't feel quite so hateful towards random pregnant women as I used to. I do still feel incredibly jealous and I wish they would all take their great big pregnant bellies and their tiny newborns off to pregnant-newborn person land and not come back til said tiny babies are annoying 4 year olds and all evidence of happy pregnancy is gone (but not any of you guys, you've shared this horrid journey with me and I'm delighted for each and every one of your planned or surprise conceptions). Hmmm, I do still feel pretty hateful apparently.

Anyways, I'm back from away and being away from normal life has been excellent. Bring on the rest of the year!