Hello 2015

Hello you out there.

Little update?

Kids = well.

Husband = awesome.

PhD = freak-out - submission by the end of the year.

Work = busy.

Health = hormone-replacement therapy is the bomb! All hormonally-related issues are rectified with magic pills. (Hooray for science!). Other health, not so great. Am presently wearing a Holter monitor for 24 hours to see if we can catch my stupid heart palpitations in action and assess their cause etc.  Back/neck, been cruddy for a month of so, but not so in spasm that I can't move.

Travel = YEAH BABY! We spent a lovely Christmas in New York (a fortnight there), a few days in LA (OMG the shopping!), then came home collected the kids (you read that right, we went to the states sans kiddos - just TBG and my Mum and me) and went to Bali for a week to defrost and relax after busy USA.

Life is pretty OK Jose (as long as I don't think about the PhD too much).

So, post-menopause hey.

I wish post-menopause had some post in it. As in finished. Instead all that's finished are periods and baby-dreams.  But symptoms, oy veh, I have them coming out the wazoo. Literally.

Why is menopause education not included in general biology education. Seriously. We just went to the s.ex-ed class for tLG and there was no mention of the End of Days. Just that female fertility would run out in 30 years or so, like someone magically pushes a button and it's all OFF. Well, it's not and I am under-prepared for this.

My GP has put me on hormone replacement therapy.

DID YOU HEAR THAT? ME? I AM 42!!! HRT IS FOR OL' LADEEEZ. (PS, no offense intended for anyone older than me or on HRT.)

Apparently, it'll take 2 or 3 weeks to kick in, apparently. So in the meantime this is how it is.
Let me tell you what's in store, all you lovely ladies out there reading.


Night sweats and hot flushes/flashes (who the hell knows which terminology is correct).
Oh My Fucking DoG. I had read about this but absolutely nothing can prepare a perpetually cold person for the anti-joy of this internal infernal heat.  I actually thought to myself (pre-hot-flushes-actually-occurring) "Oh, maybe it would be nice to be hot".

No. It is not nice. In the space of a second, I transition from comfortable to OH MY GOD GET THESE CLOTHES OFF ME I AM DYING OF HEAT. In all seriousness. And at night it's worse, so I sleep in 45 minute stretches, punctuated by throwing off of all bedclothes and cooling too far. To say, I'm tired is an understatement.


Irritability
Mmm, imagine PMS. Forever. I am doing a lot of time outs (sending myself to another room) and deep breathing.


Dryness
You know where I mean. And it's not only my external should-be-moist membranes, it's dry deep inside. Like some kind of internal (infernal) Gobi.  I also experienced an overgrowth of healthy flora and had to bomb my body to control it all. Still too scared to try horizontal folk dancing with The Big Guy. Last 3 times were painful. Even with aids. Poor Big Guy is getting a rough deal out of this.

That'll do for now.

I'll keep you posted, I'm sure you're desperate to hear the next instalment.

PS. Some women do not experience many (or any) symptoms of menopause. They are lucky, and when my Mama told me she was one of them I wanted to poke her eyes out with a stick. Just sayin'.

"That's it; that's all she wrote"

Meaning: An articulation of a sudden and unforeseen end to one's hopes or plans.

But it wasn't unseen, nor unexpected. And yet.

My period is 2 weeks late but I'm not pregnant. Instead what I am is post-menopausal.

FSH = 90.6
Estrogen <44

They are the levels found in a person who no longer ovulates and will no longer menstruate.

I'm 42.

I knew it was coming, but I didn't REALLY know it. Not in my bones. Not in my heart. Certainly not in my hopes. But now there is no chance for the famous "just forget about it" baby.

My realm now is one of hot flashes, vag.inal atrophy, vag.inal dryness, irritability, mood swings, insomnia blah blah blah.

Fucking life is unfair so much of the time.

Did Tough Mudder - not fit, can't run - WTF?

Hello all,

I did Tough Mudder on the weekend!

A TOUGH FUCKING MUDDER! 20km, 18 obstacles, tons of mud.

I'm not a fitness freak, I've got fibromyalgia, a neck/upper back that's inclined to seize up and arm muscles that alternate between strong and weak unexpectedly.  I don't like splinters or being rained on when I'm clothed.  Haha, why did I sign up for TM? Because it looked like awesome fun and I thought I'd be able to get into jogging.  

But ... I'm not a jogger! After signing up for TM, I started to do Couch-to-5K from September 2013, I managed to do 6 weeks of it and got to running 20 mins straight. But then I hurt both my knees (BOTH of them) and had to stop running. For good.

Here's how I managed on the day:
1. I had the most awesome team with me. 15 of us did it, varying ages (19-51) and levels of fitness.  All incredible people, incredibly helpful. We all agreed we'd do what we could, skip what we couldn't and have a blast getting muddy. We did that alright!

2. I wore long compression pants, a long sleeved compression top.  I carried a camelback full of water, pain killers and a lip balm. I wore the running shoes I was used to (they scrubbed up fine afterwards). I also wore a tight pair of these light gardening gloves (they have a textured grippy palm) and cut the fingertips off so water would drain out.  This was so I could grip the wooden obstacles without my killer fear of splinters!  They worked a treat and kept my hands warm to boot.  (It was totally freezing on the day. That was seriously the worst part, so cold my teeth chattered for many kilometres.)

3. I alternated between walking and jogging slowly. So I paced myself pretty well, by the end I was pretty much only walking, as was the rest of my team. But I could still walk! And climb! And jog a little!  Unlike two days later when walking was very painful :)

4. I took paracetamol half way through.

5. I skipped a few obstacles I knew would damage me. I'm looking at you Balls to the Wall, Funky Monkey, Leap of Faith, Just the Tip and Everest. (Our whole team skipped the latter two.) My upper shoulders/arms/neck can't take much so I was sensible. Plus I need my arms and neck to type my thesis, so I was pleased to do three quarters of the obstacles. And I managed ones I didn't think I could - like Hold your Wood and Glory Blades.

6. I didn't let anyone yank me by the arms to help me up, I accepted boosts wherever possible though.

7. I had so much fun! My favourite obstacles were the Ladder to Hell, Twinkle Toes, Mud Mile, Artic Enema (I was so hot at the start and it was the first obstacle - awesome to jump into cold water).  I did both the electricity shockers and all the rest of the course.

So, if you think you couldn't possible do Tough Mudder because you can't run, or are unfit, or have a bad back.  Actually, you might just be able to do it :) (I am not a doctor so don't take this as medical advice, it's just my personal experience.)

Watching and OMGbusy

Where was I? In India right?

But then I'm too busy and we took a million pictures (about 6000 actually, crazy right?) and life's too full on.  Also, now I'm here I'd post some piccies but my harddrive is crapping itself and won't show my pics to me so I can choose a few to show to you.  Next time.

I've been sneaking in blog reading while I'm driving to and fro from all my multiple roles.  Very naughty, but I try to read only at lights and when stuck in traffic jams.  But, when I read blogs on my phone I can't comment 'cause Feedly is weird with comment boxes and so is Safari and I've been watching my bloggy friends have crappy awful dreadful times and not commenting not because I don't care but because life is too hectic.

I've stolen a night here and am posting and commenting up a storm.

I was horribly spasm-y and in pain all through May and then in June we went to Tuscany for a week, followed by France for another week.  Imagine that! Two international trips in one year.  I could get used to that.  Except I got dreadfully ill on the plane over there and stayed sick (got a weird virus, lost my voice and was exhausted and flat) the WHOLE time we were away.  Loved Tuscany (again), love Italy full stop. Visited the town my Grandpa was born in.  Loved that too. Loved the Loire.  OMG CHATEAUX. Azay le Rideau. OMG. Chateau d'Amboise OMG-er.  And then we went to Chenonceau. OMG-est.  I can't believe it's a real castle and not a movie set. Extraordinarily beautiful.  Paris did not stir my heart as much as anywhere in Italy though.  I expected to adore Paris, but I merely adored the shopping. The rest I liked.  Except Sacre Coeur which was very beautiful, which I was not expecting at all.


So, other life...

Work is cray-cray as the teens say. In fact it's all cray-cray.

TLG is not little. He's 10 now and I am dying for the love of him.  He's sugar and spice and all things nice, without the bows and pink and ribbons because he's a boy and that rhyme got it all wrong - there's no slugs and snails in my little love.  He's playing footy, which he adores, and doing really well.  His team is awesome good and will probably make the finals!  School is ok, he got a crappy effort report which has inspired lots of conversations about "listening ears" and "quiet mouth" and "actually DOING your work" from me.

TBG is also playing footy which is super-stupid as he's so ancient. He's hurt himself in 5 out of 6 games he's played. Also hurt himself in training sessions. Hurt so bad, he limped around Europe with a torn Achilles. But he loves it and is very cute in his footy uniform and refuses to stop playing saying his body "just needs to get used to it"!

The middle guy is no longer middle sized.  Though shorter than tBG he is far heavier and has been made to exercise now.  This appears to kill him as he would much rather be left alone in his room to read manga cartoons and eat lollies. He failed some exams which was super-wonderful as he'd done NO prep for them and he thought he could just skate on though. Ummm, no. You have to know maths and sciences (the subjects he's picked) in order to be able to regurgitate them. I was actually very happy he failed the exams as (hopefullypleasegod) he'll learn from this (finally) and actually pull his finger out and giveafuck about life besides manga and lollies.  Who knows.

The perfect princess needs a new moniker because she's no longer reaping the benefits of a nailed position as perfect child.  She's full of imperfections which completely expected. I'll call her The Teen Angster (TTA) from now on.  If she can angst about something she will. Briefly. And then she moves right on seemingly having instantly forgotten her angst-i-ness. Weird.  I do remember how strange it was to be 13.  Full of awakenings and ill-defined longings and a need to be thought of as grown-up. While being completely childish still.

I am working in a hospital this year diagnosing kids in the paediatric developmental disabilities clinic.  If public work wasn't SO shockingly paid I'd think about doing it full-time.  But no. The hourly rate for a hospital psych is atrocious so if I do it in my future career, it'll be strictly part-time and basically for the altruistic good of the public.

PhD is going along.  Nuff said. Anxiety rears it's head too easily if I think about it.

There. Braindump and catchup done.  One of my cats just brought one of my slippers almost to me while meowing.  She does that. I just wish I could train her to bring both of them all the way to me.

Night night dears.

Superwoman cannot exist

If you haven't read this post from Mel, then you should.  It's awesome.  I'm going to quote the best part here.

"Essentially what we’re asking women to do, and shaming them when they can’t, is to be superwomen.  We should not get pregnant as teens because that would not be socially responsible, and we’d be a burden on the system because we’d possibly require social assistance.  THEN we should go to college and set ourselves up for a sweet career because women! can! do! anything! and! they! should! do! everything!  THEN right as we’re building our careers, we should settle down, preferably with a man because then we’ll be able to get right into the unassisted babymaking (not that they’re making any heterosexist commentary with these campaigns, right?), while working the full time job.  THEN, because we’re young and fecund, we’ll have said baby, while not taking any time off (because maternity leave is annoying to everyone judging by the sighs people use when they discuss someone in their office going on maternity leave) but breastfeeding exclusively (because don’t you love your baby?) while simultaneously spinning multiple assignments at work.  And volunteering because you don’t want to be a dick and not volunteer.  And hosting dinner parties.  And still having sex with your partner (we’re assuming he’s a man — though don’t call us heterosexist just because we are).  And making dinner for that widow at church.  And calling your mother.  And throwing a pinterest birthday party!"

Yes indeedy, the Taj Mahal was astounding

Can you even believe I got this shot! What symmetry. It's an unbelievable building in person. Photos can't capture the size of it, nor the beauty.

Mum looking back at the side of the Taj from the Mosque.

Looking down the archways at Agra Fort

The mirror tiles of the Maharani's astoundingly beautiful dressing room which we saw secretly.

Looking through to the Taj from the window in the Red Fort that Shah Jahan was locked up in by his son. We were told that once the Shah's eyesight failed he was provided with a mirror that reflected and magnified the Taj so he could still see it and that he died looking at the Taj. Interestingly the Western history of the Taj Mahal is very romantic and many myths surround it. From what historical records tell us (or don't), Shah Jahan did not dismember the wrokers or blind the architects, nor was there ever any evidence of the alleged Black Taj. 

Sunset at Fatehpur Sikri, an abandoned palace complex. Akbar the Great spent so much time overseeing the building of this complex only to leave once it was completed as there wasn't enough water (and also the region was militarily unstable). It was beautiful to note that throughout the palace Akbar had honoured the religions of his wives, we saw Hindu, Jain and Islamic symbology mixed together all through the place.