tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545005274700673650.post7741734319429246623..comments2023-08-28T21:04:38.522+10:00Comments on Pundelina Kafoops lives here: Extensions aweighPundelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15415043063715661647noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545005274700673650.post-14147984861837180272009-08-24T22:46:37.558+10:002009-08-24T22:46:37.558+10:00Yo. I think you outline various forms of grief bea...Yo. I think you outline various forms of grief beautifully. Ding ding ding! You're right - I hadn't thought of it this way, that there are different varietals of grief like that - which can be felt simultaneously or intermittently (like different wines from Napa Valley, but not nearly as fun). That other commenter's "nested grief" concept I think is a also a nice visual, and makes me think of those Russian dolls inside of other Russian dolls. <br /><br />Ahhh, complicated. I think regarding your honors project, I wish I had an eloquent tidbit to say about that. My mother would say: "take as much time as you need, honey, and your motivation to finish will come when it's supposed to." Maybe there's a bit of truth in that, who knows.Monicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03081973190512198022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545005274700673650.post-83604908866459021342009-08-17T23:54:02.827+10:002009-08-17T23:54:02.827+10:00We are living parallel lives....I was finishing my...We are living parallel lives....I was finishing my PhD a few years ago and going through a nasty divorce, which left me financially strapped and stressed to the limit. No kids in the mix at that time. Somehow I eeked through and then met my husband, who is the greatest man on earth (for me) and we wanted to have kids right away...and can't. Severe MFI. Super great. I have since rearranged my career path and priorities to do whatever it takes to get pregnant. I wonder every day if that's the right thing to do, and it causes so much angst, but it seems right. <br /><br />Thanks for your breakdown of infertile emotions...it's hard enough that fertile friends and family (and perfect strangers) can't relate, but even amongst infertile folks there is some disconnect. It's hard not to "compare" yourself or your story to others', and really hard when others achieve success when they started from the same point. I guess, nobody said it would be easy. <br /><br />I hope this helps a little: I have known a handful of people who took time off from their graduate studies and later returned to successfully complete them. Their reasons ranged from complete mental breakdown (1 year absence) to political campaigning (4 months off). It can be done! There's no shame in taking back time you need for yourself and your family, when you know you just don't have enough to give to your studies right now.JBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17493045268452808663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545005274700673650.post-79919425467476869312009-08-14T13:36:36.635+10:002009-08-14T13:36:36.635+10:00You write so beautifully. I am so sorry for all of...You write so beautifully. I am so sorry for all of your losses, it sucks to have any, but to have so many in such a short time, I am amazed how functional you seem. I cannot imagine trying to forge ahead with the degree, but I also cannot imagine stopping if you are close to the end and have such supportive mentors. <br /><br />As for grief, oh yeah, I call it nested grief sometimes, with losses inside losses, lost opportunities, identity, futures.... <br /><br />Wishing you healing and gentleness, and for your dreams to come true. <br /><br />warmly,<br />KateKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12533501052787233233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545005274700673650.post-60474890715585026522009-08-13T03:16:03.034+10:002009-08-13T03:16:03.034+10:00I couldn't read and not comment - very eloquen...I couldn't read and not comment - very eloquently written and I am sorry that you are in so much pain and grief. I hope that you find your motivation for your PhD - you have done so much already. and I hope that it is not long before you get that long awaited bub.Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18108664303857354679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545005274700673650.post-32481384472025252812009-08-13T01:20:05.344+10:002009-08-13T01:20:05.344+10:00Ms. Kafoops...could not have been better said...an...Ms. Kafoops...could not have been better said...and could not have been said with any more sensitivity.<br /><br />It is not the prospect of being childless, but the prospect of being childless with <i>this</i> man, that is affecting you so.<br /><br />What I have come to realize is that the PhD is more in our hands than having the baby. So focus on the more realizable dream for the time being. <br /><br />Good Luck. I am still left with the data collection......alhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679149270839974470noreply@blogger.com